Not Fair
by envision2435
Summary: One-Shot. Its not fair, and I think you're really mean, oh you're supposed to care, but all you do is take. Guinevere contemplates the womanly duties of a wife and realizes that their marriage is perfect except one rather glaring problem. Humor, based on the Lily Allen song.


Complete out of the blue ramblings about the Once and Future King and Queen. Based on the Lily Allen song "Not Fair" (lyrics below) I couldn't get this plot bunny from my head so I decided I simply had to write it.

Oh, he treats me with respect,  
He says he loves me all the time,  
He calls me 15 times a day,  
He likes to make sure that I'm fine,  
You know I've never met a man,  
Whose made me feel quite so secure,  
He's not like all them other boys,  
They're all so dumb and immature.

There's just one thing,  
that's getting in the way,  
when we go up to bed your just no good,  
it's a shame!  
I look into your eyes,  
I want to get to know you,  
and then you make this noise,  
and its apparently it's all over

Its not fair,  
And I think you're really mean,  
I think you're really mean,  
I think you're really mean.

Oh you're supposed to care,  
But you never make me scream,  
You never make me scream,

Oh it's not fair,  
And it's really not ok,  
It's really not ok,  
It's really not ok,

Oh you're supposed to care,  
But all you do is take,  
Yeah, all you do is take.

I lay here in this wet patch  
in the middle of the bed,  
I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by  
I spent ages giving head.

Then I remember all the nice things  
that you've ever said to me,  
maybe I'm just over reacting  
maybe you're the one for me.

There's just one thing,  
that's getting in the way,  
when we go up to bed your just no good,  
it's a shame!  
I look into your eyes,  
I want to get to know you,  
and then you make this noise,  
and its apparently it's all over

Its not fair,  
And I think you're really mean,  
I think you're really mean,  
I think you're really mean.

Oh you're supposed to care,  
But you never make me scream,  
You never make me scream,

Oh it's not fair,  
And it's really not ok,  
It's really not ok,  
It's really not ok,

Oh you're supposed to care,  
But all you do is take,  
Yeah, all you do is take.

She loved him, she truly did. He was her heart and soul and she had spent a lifetime waiting to be able to touch him freely and rightly. She had dreamed of their life together- spending time together unobserved and loving one another shamelessly and without reprieve or regret. It was fair to say Guinevere was overjoyed to the point of tears and insanity when he had asked her a second time to be his wife. She had answered so excitedly and admitted that with all her heart she would be his wife, his queen. She had never had a chance to be worried or scared about what would be expected of her as a woman the wedding came so fast.

The brunette laid in bed staring at the ceiling lost in her thought. She loved Arthur, she truly did.

But… for the love of everything he was bad in bed!

Guinevere had saved herself for her prince and had no experience with men other than an innocent and chaste kiss here and there, but somehow, deep in her being she knew this was not how it was suppose to feel.

When Arthur had taken her to their marriage bed, he had been gentle and kind but she sensed he knew what he was doing. He had been a bit flippant in his youth, his escapades came to a crescendo the summer before Merlin had arrived, and the year before he had fallen in love with her. She ignored the thoughts of him with someone else as he had stated he never had and never would love another.

She decided to put it out of her mind and look at the bright side- If Arthur had experience with women, he would be well versed enough that he would be able to give her the mind numbing, body shaking experience that lesser ladies of the court gossiped about around the camp fires at night. They talked of amazing sensations and a give and take rhythm that made the whole world turn on its axis. They talked of such pleasure and rightness and ferocity shown by their lovers that excited and scared them. This apparently made it even better.

The woman in Guinevere had always leapt at the thought. How life changing would making love to Arthur is after all they had been through? So much emotion ran between them at the smallest glance. The betrayal had damaged them in some ways she knew but she felt the intensity on the verge of desperation when he kissed her or touched her after she returned, as if she would melt into nothing or worse- leave him for Lancelot the knight dead or not. He seemed to be fighting a war that he alone could see when he kissed her.

She had expected with that reasoning that she would spend her nights with low moans caught in her throat as he took her. She expected to be unable to speak in the morning because of a raw throat from the sounds that he had elicited from her, coaxing her like the willing slave she was to him- Or _would be_ to him had this assumption and logic been correct. He was suppose to care but all he did was take and he did not seem to care that he never made her scream like a man ought to make a woman wale. This made her a bundle of nerves and nervous energy.

It was for this reason that Guinevere laid wide-awake this night, three months into her marriage and wondering what being made love to truly felt like, wondering if she was the cause or something was terribly wrong with her. She had no one to consult on the issue and her cheeks flamed painfully when she thought of seeking out the court physician to ask if there was anything physically amiss with her anatomy. Poor old Gauis would probably go into cardiac arrest.

The newly crowd queen felt her husband stir next to her, his face buried in the crook of her neck as one of his arms flung over her waist constricting tightly. She closed her eyes and tried to cherish his touch like she once did but the frustration was building deep in her belly. She wanted what a woman was suppose to have and she saw no way of getting it.

She certainly couldn't say a word. It was apparent Arthur simply assumed she was enjoying their encounters but a sneaking suspicion found its way into her head. Arthur had never truly loved a woman he had taken to his bed- until her. His focus had not shifted from simply garnering his own pleasure to the _give_ in the famed give and take scenario for joining as one.

He was simply being a selfish prat.

Gwen burst into ruckus laughter at the voice in her head. She felt herself shaking as her husband jolted awake in shock at the loud noise so close to him. Guinevere threw her hands over her face as her voice bounced off the stone walls of their chamber. She was in stitches as tears streamed down her face as she reached her revelation and her breaking point simultaneously.

She knew she was over reacting, that their marriage was great, but there was just once thing getting in their way. When they go up to bed he is just no good-and god damn if it is not a shame.

I know, a random tidbit shaming our poor beloved king but I was watching Merlin when I heard this song and for some reason I simply couldn't get the tried and true couple from my mind when I heard it. I know, I know, Arthur and all his love and gentleness and his virtue, but you have to admit, the song, while picturing poor Guinevere is at least making you smile.

-OG 


End file.
